something euclidean

The first time I read this it felt too detached - I don't know if this was the effect of the dialouge, or just the feeling that there was a ...

This sounds like an ode to summer reading more than anything. Like Col, I don't love the ellipses, though I guess they could stay -- on the provision that the ...

Nice. I enjoyed reading this - I have some picky things, of course, for editting. But it reminded me of my own violin which has given me this permanent pink ...

S3 works best, rhythmically, but it also seems like it's the most successful, typically Hypo stanza. The first stanza works too, though it is more abstract than he usually gets ...

Sometimes saying things simply can work beautifully and sometimes it falls a little flat. I was hooked from the fourth line of the poem (smuggling arms into a sweater, what ...

I don't know about un-frying your muse but you might want to take a glance at the story "October in the Chair", by Neil Gaiman. *shameless plug of my favorite ...

mwahahaha! I remember the originals of this. Be afraid. All my original picky crits of this from NaPo still stand -- Yes, I have both threads open. They do go ...

Any reason for the double spacing? it did make this a little hard to read. I ended up just squishing it back together to critique, as you can see. It ...

Also: read poetry . When you're learning to write poetry this is one of the most important things you can do. Read from different eras and styles; find what's constant ...

This world is the only one we have; the others are too far away. The universe rambles on and forgets itself, repeating old stories (perhaps). why do you need the ...

That's actually a good thing to do if you're wondering how strikingly original something you've written is going to be: google lines and phrases. Google will show you the truth, ...

Considering this is your first attempt at poetry, well done [much, much better than the absolute nonsense I wrote when I started out]. Still, there are a lot of things ...

A good place to learn that kind of rhyme and rhythm you're looking for would be Saul Williams. ",said the shotgun to the head" excerpt For the poem quoted below: ...

Hail! to the uttermost fear in Time to the Great Wheel's turning. We sense the end drawing near as the sands of the sea begin burning. you might want to ...

You have given me [s]in abunudance [/s] A childhood’s worth of broken promises My small hands stored them away Inside a diary garden I secretly tended Hoping that someday, your ...